Love is one of the most elemental of emotions. It is a building block of some of our deepest relationships and a component in many of our happiest days. Yet the ability to freely give and receive love is a fragile skill, which traumatic experiences can all too easily dent or damage. Learning how to be loved is a vital part of your healing. It’s necessary!
Relationships, for most of us, are never simple. Perhaps when we were young things seemed straightforward. It was hard to understand why someone would stay with someone they don’t like being around when we were young, but as we grow older we feel the layers of dynamics in our relationships. So much of who we are ,our pasts, our thoughts, our dreams, our fears, our own families of origin, holds the experience of our adult relationships the way a bag holds a pile of rice. Our minds shape the way we see our relationships, but that doesn’t change the reality of our relationships.
Whether we’re in an unhealthy relationship, healing from an unhealthy relationship, or simply going out on new dates, our minds will always shape our perception of who we’re with. And that’s not wrong or bad; it simply is what it is. When two minds see each other and love the contents of the others’ mind, it can be beautiful, but sometimes we only see what we want to see. So how do we know the difference?
Dealing with reality as it is is the first step in becoming truly present and mentally healthy, both within relationships and independently. Reality isn’t always pleasant, in fact, it’s often unpleasant. But not shying away from the things that cause us discomfort and not over indulging in the things that are comfortable is how we become sustainably happy. Practice taking a deep breath while reminding yourself that you are actively healing one of the most fundamental of skills. Recognize that this is a moment in which you are being cared for, loved, and nurtured. Try not to miss these moments of kindness and care. Learning to be loved is a vital part of your healing.