Where spiritual discernment meets emotional boundaries—this episode dives into the subtle difference between being wanted and being valued. We explore how attention-seeking behavior can disguise itself as connection, and how God-given discernment helps us recognize what is not aligned. This is your call to protect your peace and choose what is real.
I took some time away. And in that time, my voice was silence. I didn't recognize myself. I shrank unwillingly. Unbeknownst to me. I was being refined, sharpened and strengthened. I took time to grow in ways that hurt deeply, that didn't need an audience. I felt like a walking contradiction. Like my spirit did not match my reality. And in that space, I learn things. You can't learn while constantly being seen, about discernment, about boundaries, about myself. It's been a while And in that time. I wasn't just resting. And relearning. I was learning what to release. Learning what to recognize. Learning what I will never ignore again. Some lessons don't come from being seen. They come from being still. And now I'm back. With clarity. So in today's episode, I'm gonna talk about. Investing in attention seekers and knowing the difference between people who crave your attention and praise without committing to your heart. And if you have an ear to hear, your divine purpose is on the other side of choosing yourself. And if you're listening, You didn't land here by accident. There's something about you, something discerning, something awakening that knows when it's time to stop pouring into empty cups. And start asking. Why you were ever thirsty for them in the 1st place. This is a space for truth, real raw truth, not the polished kind, not the performative kind, the kind that sits with you, convicts you, and heals you. Where spiritual discernment meets emotional boundaries. Where we talk about love, the kind that we give, the kind we chase, and the kind that we forget to give ourselves. Season 2 begins with a question that might shake you. Why are we investing in people who crave? attention, but can't hold space for our souls. Because attention is loud. But love, real love, that's consistent, steady and intentional. So if you've ever confused the two. If you ever felt drained, overlooked, or emotionally depleted after giving your all. You're in the right place. At the right time. I wanna talk about spiritual death. Some people don't want to be loved. They want to be desired. They crave attention and validation to be seen, but not truly transformed. So, you know, some people, they don't want love, they want relief from their trauma. From their reality, something in them is starving for reassurance, for control, for significance. For importance, but they're not really doing the inner work required to become safe. And that kind of person is not ready to build. Sometimes that kind of person can be dangerous. person can crave connection without having the capacity for real love. And if you're not discerning, You'll mistake their emotional hunger for something holy. And before you know it, you are pouring real love, loyalty, and emotional access into someone who never intended to build anything solid. They just want it to feel seen. It just wanted. The idea of you. The praise, they fed off your presence, your words, your consistency. But when it came time for accountability, for depth, for truth, for honesty, for emotional safety, for emotional maturity, they disappeared. And let's be honest, if someone doesn't show up consistently, even in the natural. They are not aligned to show spiritually either. Some people didn't love you. They loved how you made them feel. And sometimes that's hard to hear. Hard to accept, and that's why discernment is not optional for us. It's necessary because not everyone who feels good, who looks good, is good for you. And I want to go a little deeper here, because, reflecting on this, that some people seek attention in chaotic ways, posting pain they never intend to heal from. Entertaining what God already told them to release, keeping options for emotional comfort instead of spiritual growth. I think we all can say we've been guilty of that. But I want you to hear this clearly in the refinement. You have to realize that intensity is not intimacy, being wanted is not the same as being valued. And you're valuable. And just because something feels strong does not mean it was sent by God. Some people know how to awaken your emotions to evoke your feelings, but have no idea how to steward your heart. They pull you in. But they can't hold you properly. They can't protect your heart because they're still operating from broken places. And while we can have compassion for that, we can't build with that. We must have compassionate boundaries under the same roof. Just because someone is wounded doesn't mean it is your assignment or responsibility to heal them. God did not call you to be someone's emotional supply while they avoid accountability, and we have to look at ourselves to say, what in us is not healed, that we feel like we have to come to someone's rescue. Because there's too many people that are spiritually drained because they're emotionally feeding people, who never plan to grow, pouring into empty cups. I want to give you 7 tips on discernment. Number one, stop being impressed by attention so quickly. Attention is easy to give. It doesn't require sacrifice maturity or intention. Some people know how to text you consistently, compliment you, make you feel chosen. But that doesn't mean they're equipped to keep you. Discernment asks. What does this look like over time? Because anyone can show up in the beginning? But not everyone can remain consistent when it requires discipline, honesty and emotional responsibility. Reflect on that. Number two, watch what happens after they get your attention. This is where truth reveals itself. After they get your time, your energy and your presence. Do they go deeper with you? Build emotional safety or keep you in a cycle of surface level interaction. Attention seekers are never satisfied and the more you give them, the more they expect, the more they take. But real connection, it grows. It deepens, it stabilizes. Discernment pays attention to patterns, not potential. Don't let them put you or get you in a place right where they want you. You gotta pay attention. That leads me to number three. Pay attention to reciprocity. Healthy connection is mutual. You should not feel like you're always reaching out. You're always initiating, you're always given emotionally. You're always, always, always, always, always. That's not connection. That's imbalance. And imbalance will always lead to exhaustion. And exhaustion can relate to resentment. So action of, do they pour into me the way I pour into them, because someone, who values you, will not leave you, depleted. Number 4 Stop confusing chemistry with emotional safety, we have to stop doing that. Chemistry feels good, but it's not always safe. You can have strong attraction, deep conversation, intense emotional connection, and still not be emotionally secure. Emotional safety looks like. Consistency, honesty. Accountability, peace. Emotional maturities. If it's confusing, inconsistent, or emotionally unstable, that's not safety, that's stimulation. That's chaos. And stimulation without stability will always cost you, and before you know it, the bill is already due. Number five, ask yourself, do they want me or do they want to be wanted? Do they want to be seen? This question is going to save you a lot of time because some people don't actually want you. They want the feeling of being chosen being desired, being validated. And then once they get that feeling. They pull back. Or they realize that they can't reciprocate because the goal was never connection. It was confirmation. Discernment forces you to stop romanticizing behavior and start recognizing intention. Number 6, guard your heart from emotionally hungry people. Not everyone is ready for what you carry, your light. Some people are empty. They come to your door wounded, searching. Seeking. But that doesn't mean that they are capable of loving you properly. Don't be mesmerized by words. They're not capable of building with you, sustaining something real, and that's where the boundaries need to come in. You can have compassion without giving someone access. Because your heart is not a place for people to come and consume. Number seven, choose peace over stimulation. This is the one that people struggle with the most because peace feels slower, calmer, and unfamiliar at first. Especially if you're used to chaos, intensity and emotional highs and roller coasters. But here this. What is calm is often, what is healthy. What's boring is healthy. What is that is often what it say. The right connection won't have you questioning yourself constantly overthinking everything. Chasing clarity. It will hold you well. I want you to catch this in your spirit because we are not tired because love is hard. We are tired because we've been pouring into people who never had the capacity to receive us properly in the 1st place. I want you to know that this next version of you. Will not confuse attention for connection. This next version of you will not hand access to people who are still starving for validation. This next version of you will not shrink to be chosen. We deserve more than to be noticed. You deserve to be known. Handled with truth, maturity, and consistency. So, from this point forward. We choose differently. We move with the sermon. And we honor what God is revealing to us. Don't ignore that. Because your heart. It is not an ego boost. It's not a doormat. It's not a temporary experience. It is sacred. And we have to treat it as such. And we are no longer pouring into people. who only come to be seen. Growth requires us to stop choosing what excites us temporarily and start choosing what sustains us long term. Because the goal is not just to feel something, the goal is to be safe, seen, heard, and supported. In what you feel. I appreciate you for listening. Or spiritual. Boundaries. Meet emotions. Emotional. Discernment.